Needs list of Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication has no closed list. The Center for Nonviolent Communication sorts needs into connection, physical well-being, honesty, play, peace, autonomy and meaning. This page adds safety and recognition as groups of their own and so arrives at 58 words in nine groups.

A need is general and names neither a person nor an action, such as rest or closeness. A strategy is a concrete way to get there, such as turning off the radio or calling every evening. Strategies can be negotiated, because there are many of them for every need.

In Nonviolent Communication, needs count as universally human: everyone knows rest, safety or recognition. What differs is which need is pressing right now and which strategy someone chooses. That is exactly where the chance lies to understand each other on the level of needs during an argument.

Start with the feeling and ask yourself what you need right now to feel better. The feelings list helps with the first step, the needs list with the second. If a word contains a person or an action, it is usually still a strategy; then keep asking what it is meant to do for you.

There is no fixed number. Lists from training institutes and teaching materials differ in scope and groups. For everyday use, a list in which you find two or three fitting words for every situation is enough; this page offers 58 in nine groups.

In his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation”, the psychologist Abraham Maslow described five groups of basic needs: physiological needs, safety, love, esteem and self-actualisation. He assumed that a need usually comes to the fore only once a more basic one is largely met.

The list on this page follows no ranking. It sorts needs by topic so that you can quickly find a fitting word in a conversation. Rest and sleep stand next to meaning and creativity there, because both can play a part in an argument at the same time.

In the list, social needs are gathered mainly in two groups. Connection includes closeness, belonging, community, love, trust, support, empathy and cooperation. Recognition includes appreciation, respect, being seen, understanding, acceptance and attention.

In everyday life these needs often show up behind sentences that sound like accusations. “You never ask how I am” can mean: I am missing attention right now. If you hear the need instead of the accusation, you have a better basis for your next word.

The economics lexicon published by the German Federal Agency for Civic Education calls individual needs those that a person can satisfy for themselves, such as drinking or reading. Collective needs are felt by many people together, such as environmental protection or public security.

This division comes from economics and asks who satisfies a need. Nonviolent Communication asks something else: which need lies behind a feeling or a wish, so that two people can talk about it.

In the self-determination theory of the psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, there are three basic psychological needs: autonomy, competence and relatedness. The theory examines under which conditions people act of their own accord.

You will find all three in a similar form in the list on this page: self-determination and choice in the autonomy group, competence and effectiveness in the meaning group, belonging and community in the connection group.